As most of you know I am a single parent of two wonderful children whom have extra challenges in life.
It has been a challenge to be a good parent. It isn't always easy and it can be and is at times very lonely. I have put allot of dreams of mine on hold. I am not angry that I have had to do that but there are days I wish I could do some of those things. I wouldn't trade any of what has happened in my life as it has grown me in ways I wouldn't have been otherwise.
Deron is my first child through adoption. Adoption is such a wonderful gift given to a family. God has placed Deron in my home and I love him. Deron's birth mom made choices that effected Deron even before he was born. He has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. This is not who he is but what he has. He is allot like any other teenager, he wants to fit in. He wants to be excepted and needed. He wants to have a friend, someone who excepts him for who he is. Someone who doesn't mind his brain works different and causes him troubles at times. Deron doesn't choose to be different he was born this way and his brain is different because of choices made without his consent. As Deron once said to me as a small three year old child after he first learned about FAS,"Mom I wish she would have asked me if I wanted her to drink, I would have said no" with tears streaming down his little cheeks and mine.
What really hurts is the fact Deron is bullied at school and at our church. I have been homeschooling because he has been bullied to an extreme. He has started back to school part time so his IEP needs can be addressed and he is being bullied again in the new school. It breaks my heart to hear this going on. He tries to be brave and act like it doesn't hurt , but when we have our little talks he confides in me and there are tears at times. He wonders why, he wonders if there is something really wrong with him, am I ugly, am I not a worthy person. He has allot of insight for someone his age and he is very smart. He looks very normal.
I tell people that if the know some about Autism they might understand some of Deron's brain issues. It is a challenge for Deron to make it through a day without an overload. He tries his best to keep things together in spite of what kids dish out, but he has his limits like you or I, but it seems in our world that kids with disabilities have to be far better than those who don't. The looks we parents get when a teenager has a meltdown due to overload because of what others throw at him, You must be a bad parent because your child just pushed so n so, but they failed to ask why so and so threatened to take a shot gun to Deron's head if he continued to share in a group setting at church how he felt when so and so did something to Deron. The list goes on and on. The thing I feel is that it is not ok for Deron to be upset about what they are doing to him, but it is ok to let them keep on bulling Deron because he has a disability and well he probably doesn't feel anyway. Well that is farthest from the truth he does and he knows when kids are making fun of him and he holds it in. He tries to get help by going to a teacher but even teachers say you are tattling. Deron has a hard time processing information it takes him awhile to get out all that has happened. He sees everything all at once but has a hard time going piece by piece to get the big picture out. He feels people don't listen to him and that makes him more upset.
I know most people don't know or understand him and I try and let people know about his disability so that they can be a bit more patient with him and listen. He is not being a tattle tail he is going to an adult for help. He needs that help to mediate the problems.
I will be going to his school to try and get the school stuff under control, but the church I am not so sure about as It seems that it doesn't do much good there as I have tried to explain to them, so for now Deron doesn't attend the youth group as he was placed in the wrong group and was face to face with the one kid you hurt him at the retreat, When asked why he was upset Deron shared and the kid under his breath threatened to bring a shot gun to his head if he continued. Deron tried to talk with the youth pastor and he got upset and left because he felt like he wasn't being listened to and the pastor kept asking him why did you push him instead of listening to Deron or asking the other kid what he might have done. It was all one sided. So this is the second time since January, Deron has not gone back for a period of time. I am planning on a sit down with the pastor when I get everything together. This is a few of the things that I go through with my son. I am sharing this as I need to vent and let it out so I can heal.
Carolyn
Carolyn, I know people SAY this all the time, "You AND Deron, can do all things through our Precious and Gracious Savior who will give you both strength". Sometimes I must go into the bathroom or my bedroom and kneel and ask for the Holy Spirit to convey (although He does know) what I cannot express in my human words. I just lift my hands as if handing over to God what I cannot do, or fix, or control or even understand.
ReplyDeleteI dont know how Deron's relationship with the Lord is like, maybe try having him do this too. I have shared this with the kids and they understand. I don't know if they have done it but at least they know that not only does God hear our hearts and what we cannot express but that we also have the Holy Spirit to intercede for us!
I pray for you and your babies. I am glad that you are starting this blog. I find mine to be relieving as I hope it does for you too! Thank you for sharing your heart.